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5 Kinds of Creative Writer You Don’t Want to Be

I don’t care what anyone else says: Being a creative writer is awesome.

Sure, most of us are introverts who would much rather interact with made-up worlds and made-up characters than the real stuff.

But those made-up worlds and made-up characters are fascinating! They’re filled with romance and philosophy, historical and scientific explorations, grammatical grappling, logical conclusions and conjectures, artistic expressions, political reflections and plenty of psychology.

With so much to delve into, what’s not to love?

Unfortunately, that isn’t an entirely rhetorical question. There are, in fact, things to object about the practice, such as the tendency to not only get into our own heads too much but stay inside our heads too much, turning us into very self-focused beings.

From our creative writers' perspective, we’re perfectly reasonable creatures. Clever and compassionate – I mean, we totally cried over that passage we just wrote. It was so touching – not to mention insightful.

And who knows. That might be true more often than not.

But before we go solidifying awesome opinions of ourselves, we might want to check our egos up against these negative categories we creative writers can pigeonhole ourselves into….

Sadly, without too much effort at all.

This kind of writer might be a very nice sort of person. Seriously. No sarcasm intended.

But that doesn’t stop you from wanting to buy a gag for him – and not the sexy kind of gag.

Once he gets going about his writing, his writing process, his writing thoughts and anything else pertaining to his – not yours, but his – writing, good luck making him shut up.

It’s going to take a miracle.

This kind of writer is never a very nice sort of person. He’s an annoying sort of person.

So annoying that you don’t want to gag him. You want to trip him and then laugh hysterically when he falls on his pompous little face.

You see, he writes about “real life,” digging into what it means to be human. And in his mind, what it means to be human is always dark, depressing and, of course, deep.

Don’t ever expect anything engaging from him. That’s not realistic.

Oh yeah, and if you, on the other hand, are engaging, expect him to sneer at you for being a sellout.

This kind of writer is absolutely great at giving critiques. Like, they could go pro… if being pro meant nitpicking every little detail without mercy.

Sometimes without logic as well.

But when the table is reversed, forget it! Any criticism or critique hurts his little feelings, and he will let you know why you’re wrong for calling his creative brilliance into question.

You Neanderthal, you.

This could also be the writer who “reads” people. People who matter, for the record. That’s how everyone else is supposed to know he’s going places.

Whether knowing or reading though, it really doesn’t matter when, at least in his mind, he’s connected with some literary great or greats.

And he doesn’t mind telling you all about it.

In many ways, this kind of creative writer is like a deep writer – filled with angst and emotion.

The difference is that, unlike the deep writer, that inner turmoil doesn’t come out as snobbery.

It comes out as melodramatic moaning about how difficult the life of a writer (namely his) can be.

Finding the time to write is difficult. Finding the inspiration to write is difficult. Finding people who will appreciate his writing is difficult.

Blah, blah, blah. Chirp chirp. Beep, bloody beep.

Don’t be this creative writer. Or any of the other four above. Be the kind of writer who other people actually wouldn’t mind being around…

Even if you have no intention of interacting with them when you have made-up worlds and made-up characters to explore.

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